A man confessed to having an ‘imaginary affair’ with a co-worker and sharing this intimate revelation online resulted in a furious debate.
Getting relationships to work is tough, especially when infidelity is involved but one man has left people scratching their heads as he remarked that he is having an ‘imaginary affair’.
Now while you might not hear the term very regularly… or ever, it is somewhat self explanatory.
In a post on Twitter to the Fesshole page, the anonymous man let people in on his little secret.
He wrote: “I think a girl in the office fancies me. She’s 20 years younger than me. Obviously, I’m probably imagining it, and I have no intention of cheating on my wife.
The man admitted to losing weight because of this potential crush(Getty Stock Image)
“Hasn’t stopped me losing 5kg since the delusions started though. Imaginary affairs are the secret to weight loss.”
Now while the confession may have been a little tongue in cheek, the response the man got was rather mixed, to say the least.
Some argued it wasn’t the biggest of deals as long as the man didn’t act on the woman’s supposed feelings towards him.
Others, however, were more critical and insisted the act of losing weight was a red flag.
One person commented: ”It’s not imaginary if you lost the weight for her but not for your wife.”
Another added: “Nope, nope. She doesn’t. It’s not Impossible, but it’s highly improbable. This is surely self evident. Your fantasy is a red flag and I think you know it.”
A third wrote: “This is like someone buying a hood, a gun and spending 3 months inside a bank lobby drawing camera positions and saying ‘its a fake robbery’.”
However beyond the potential infidelity, other people got rather personal attacking the man for believing the younger woman was the least bit interested in him in the first place.
One critical person commented: “You are such a clown lad, a younger woman chatting to you, being nice or laughing at your jokes, (That’s what I presume the extent of her ‘Fancying’ you is) isn’t her being down bad for you. Grow up, you should’ve lost weight for your wife if anyone.”
With another adding: “Learnt my lesson not to be friendly and polite with older men at work because to them friendly means flirty. You’re probably deluded.”
So yes, hardly the response the anonymous man was expecting… but some advice to take away from this is he probably should focus on his health goals for himself and his wife rather than the woman at work.
Experts have previously spoken out on the signs someone could be about to cheat on you (no, not the imaginary type, the real deal).
Many online insisted the woman likely didn’t even fancy the guy (Getty Stock Image)
Marriage and family therapist Elizabeth Winkler wrote about the signs in an op-ed for the MailOnline to help catch a cheater:
Genuine sex addict
“Unlike a one-time lapse in judgment, this type of infidelity comes from an uncontrollable cycle where the individual feels compelled to seek new connections or experiences, regardless of the consequences,” the marriage expert wrote.
“For those struggling with this addiction, the behavior is rarely about love, lust or dissatisfaction in their existing relationship, but instead reflects an attempt to temporarily fill an emotional void.
“Unfortunately, the relief doesn’t last long and is usually followed by shame and a return to the same destructive cycle.”
Need to feel ‘seen’
The therapist detailed how validation like being ‘seen and wanted’ triggers the release of dopamine, which of course is the pleasure hormone.
Speaking of it, Winkler explained: “[It] plays a powerful role in sexual dynamics, giving those who cheat a rush that temporarily fills an emotional void.
“As with all drugs, however, that feeling eventually wears off – and something more powerful is needed the next time.
“This cycle of cheating – chasing the ‘high’ – is common among individuals with narcissistic tendencies, where the external validation they get from sexual attention soothes an inner emptiness.”
Emotional baggage
Winkler wrote: “We all carry some level of undigested emotional pain from childhood, a time when we didn’t have the capacity to fully feel or heal. But if that trauma was big enough – perhaps your partner experienced neglect or grief at a particularly young age – those unresolved scars can affect adult relationships too.
“If you know that your partner experienced a notable trauma in their youth, be aware they may turn to cheating as an adult to help shield themselves from future pain.
“Think of it as consciously blowing up something good in order to avoid another uncontrolled and painful ending.”
She went on to explain that ‘working through years-old wounds’ is key, and doing so as a couple is essential for a happy marriage.
Self-sabotage
“On the surface, she appeared to be thriving, but deep down, she felt unworthy of both her professional and personal success,” she explained.
“The affair became a way for her to manage the ‘inevitable’ disaster – even though it was self-inflicted.”
Self-sabotage often stems from unresolved grief or insecurity, causing someone to unconsciously undermine their happiness.
‘Distant’ partner
Winkler writes: “You’ve likely heard someone say: ‘He’s emotionally unavailable.’ This phrase frequently comes up when discussing infidelity, since cheaters are often described by their partners – and sometimes by the mistress too – as emotionally distant.
“The root of this behavior often lies in what therapists call an avoidant attachment style.
“Developed in the late 1950s by UK psychotherapist John Bowlby, ‘attachment theory’ describes four kinds of emotional bond that people tend to form with others depending on the relationship they had as a child with their very first caregiver.”
Sharing your life online is an easy way to face some backlash, and Scarlet Vas is no stranger to critics due to her unconventional relationship.
Scarlet Vas used to be an actress on the popular Australian soap TV show Neighbors before she turned to OnlyFans to create content.
But that isn’t where the controversy surrounding her lies.
On social media, Vas has been pretty open about her relationship with her stepbrother, and the pair even got married in 2023.
More recently, she announced that she and her husband, Tayo Ricci, would be welcoming a new person to their family, a baby girl, as Vas is pregnant.
Her OnlyFans is in collaboration with Ricci, and the pair are very much aware of the controversy their relationship has caused.
In a now-viral clip, Vas said: “I fell in love with my bf’s best friend… who happens to be my step bro.”
The couple are expecting a baby girl (Instagram/ @scarletvas)
As you can imagine, this sentence alone is enough to raise some eyebrows and get some very critical comments.
And the pair have continued to address the controversial nature of their relationship – allegedly siblings by marriage versus blood – in posts to social media.
One wrote: “Ngl that’s kinda weird.”
Another commented: “Step brother step sister and married 😂 wtf.”
Another questioned: “Bro who would marry their step brother.”
Vas has previously addressed her critics and indicated she isn’t too fussed about their comments.
In another video, the former actress also asks her step-brother what he would want to spend his last day on earth doing, to which he replied: “You, I would impregnate you.”
Erm, I guess he has succeeded?
The pair are well aware of the criticism their relationship has received(Instagram/scarletvas)
“Erm you’re my step-brother, that’s kinda f***ed up,” Vas replied.
Ricci answered: “Why are you laughing? I know what I want and I get what I want.
“I think everyone grilling us online for being in love… it doesn’t matter if we have the same mother.”
Despite previous critical comments, after announcing on Instagram the pair are expecting a baby, they have been met by support.
Vas also uploaded a video compilation showing the pair walking down the aisle after getting married to posing in the sunset a year later. As the video goes on, we see Ricci kneeling down to Vas’ stomach, alongside the moment the pregnancy test showed their results.
The post goes on to show the pair in an ultrasound room, the sound of the baby’s heartbeat in the background, and another video of Ricci kissing Vas’ bump.
Spears shared a video of herself in a bra, underwear, boots and necklace on her social media earlier today (October 28).
In the caption, Spears said: “There’s something about this exotic place … No matter how many times I come here, it feels like the first time !!! The way Mother Nature speaks to me !!! Alone !!! Meditation and prayer speaks volumes !!!
“A video I took outside had birds singing and the song was so loud !!! Ok, maybe I just found my soul here !!! I will be honest, there’s a courtyard with flowers and a small gate and a little koi pond with a stained glass entrance door before you walk in that reminds me of OLD SCHOOL CHURCH !!! Which sometimes has a deeper meaning and feeling !!!”
Spears also unexpectedly opened up about having difficulties with her ex which resulted in them sleeping in different places during their holiday to the same place she’s currently staying in.
Britney Spears revealed an unexpected bedroom secret (Instagram/@britneyspears)
She continued: “I’m honestly not ashamed to say this, but whenever me and my ex would come here, we fought … Not one time did I sleep in bed with him !!!
“I got a pillow and would sleep outside … I like the sound of the fountain outside !!! I wanted to whisper the secrets of the universe … I’ve stayed inside a lot this trip because it’s insanely hot !!! But think I might just sleep in the baby courtyard tonight.”
Well, at least Spears won’t have to worry about arguing with any more partners and not sharing beds anymore after recently announcing she’s ‘married’.
The news has received a divided response (Instagram/@britneyspears)
After six years of dating Spears tied the knot with Sam Asghari in 2022 but the pair ended up splitting a little over a year later, with Asghari filing for divorce from the pop star citing ‘irreconcilable differences’.
And in a post to social media earlier this month, the ‘Toxic’ singer revealed she’s actually gotten married again – to herself.
Spears argued while it ‘might seem embarrassing or stupid’ she thinks it’s ‘the most brilliant thing’ she’s ‘ever done’.
The first few months of a relationship are quite difficult, and certain telltale signs could reveal whether you are wasting your time with your new significant other or not.
While it’s easy to determine the things you like about a new fling, the red flags and issues might be harder to identify at first. So, to ensure you aren’t spending a prolonged period of time with someone who isn’t in it for the long haul, there are certain things you should be looking for.
The early stages of dating can be very difficult for some people. (pexels/cottonbro studio)
One of these things that you should be on the lookout for, according to one dating expert, seems pretty obvious but can go unnoticed if you aren’t thinking about it.
According to Jack Maddox, a dating expert from Australia, if you are a woman dating a man, you should be on the lookout for how long it takes him to say ‘I love you’ directly to you.
“If your partner doesn’t say very clearly ‘I love you’ by twelve weeks, then he’s not your ideal partner and you’ve wasted your time,” Maddox explained, “Twelve weeks, not 52, twelve weeks, three months – that’s all you’ve got.”
Maddox goes on to note that those three words are key in a relationship, and most men and women would agree. While nobody wants to say ‘I love you’ too soon – a situation that was notoriously dissected in the pilot of the show How I Met Your Mother – taking too long to say it could be a sign that a man is hesitant to invest in a long-term relationship.
This theory was, unsurprisingly, met with mixed reactions, with some people saying three months could be too soon to say ‘I love you’ to one’s partner.
“That’s way too soon. You’re tripping,” said one commenter.
Another naysayer brought up the aforementioned issues with it being said too early: “My ex-boyfriend said I love you after a week, I wish I ran then.”
“Love bomber at its finest.”
However, others believed that Maddox was onto something, as identifying those feelings, according to them, shouldn’t take much more than three months.
saying ‘I love you’ can be an important milestone in a romantic relationship. (pexels/cottonbro studio)
One commenter who agreed with Maddox explained: “When you’re ready, ladies, ask those hard questions and know what you want, don’t settle… Trust me, you will know in less than 12 weeks.”
Another noted: “You should not need that long to feel love feelings or you’re very damaged, if so, stop dating and work on yourself.”
While no two people are the same and things like saying the words ‘I love you’ might take some people longer than others, making three months the rough estimate of time you should spend testing the waters with someone before taking the next step seems like a popular idea.
“Yep the 90-day rule!” another commenter added, “After that, you’re wasting your time.”
How many of these ‘eight patterns’ which often rear their heads in failing relationships can you recognize in yourself?
Couples therapist Dr Nicole LePera took to Twitter to share the ‘eight patterns’ she’s noticed in ‘couples who didn’t make it’ and most of us are probably – or have been – guilty of a few, so maybe it’s time to check in and make a New Year’s resolution or two.
Worst case assumptions
Look, we all know a negative attitude gets you nowhere and it’s the same when it comes to relationships.
And while most of us have past trauma from previous relationships and potential trust issues, if we’re choosing to enter into a relationship with a new person you need to wipe the slate clean to some extent and make sure we’ve done a bit of the work to get over any lingering issues – trust someone until they give you a reason not to and all that.
Dr LePera explains if you ‘assume’ your partner’s ‘intentions’ are ‘malicious or negative’ then you could end up being ‘accusatory’ rather than ‘curious’ which doesn’t help anyone or the relationship developing either.
“Note: this is common for people with C-PTSD why trauma healing is key in partnerships,” she adds.
Try not to jump to negative conclusions (Getty Stock Images)
One person thinks they can ‘change’ the other
Ladies, I’m talking to you, the amount of times we have all probably thought if we wait long enough or suggest something enough, the man will change? Yeah, looking back on it now, all we can do is laugh.
Dr LePera reflects this simply leads to ‘resentment because one partner feels like a project,’ and it can also lead to resentment on the other side, with the other person growing impatient waiting for a change which simply may never come – remember, someone has to want to change for themselves.
And this second pattern leads nicely onto the third warning sign.
They have to want to make a change themselves (Getty Stock Images)
Unrealistic expectations
As much as we’ve grown up being read fairy-tales at bedtime and watching the prince get his princess on the big screen, life sadly doesn’t always turn out that way.
Sure, you can still find various rom-com moments, but you need to stay grounded in the reality that a relationship isn’t always easy, you’re not going to be happy 24/7 and a relationship is an active choice – choosing to stick with it and with your person through the highs and lows – including even ‘boring’ moments in the romance, Dr LePera notes, it signifying a lack of ‘maturity’ if you’re not prepared for that.
You don’t ‘fight’
No one wants to fight okay? Or maybe you do – and that’s another kettle of fish entirely. But we’re all different people with different brains and hearts and so we’re going to disagree on things. And if you’re avoiding voicing your disagreement?
Well, it could result in ‘one partner finally reach[ing] a boiling point’ if they continue to ‘suppress’ their true emotions and thoughts, Dr LePera warns and this could leave the other partner ‘confused’ as a result.
It’s good to voice differences and disagreements in a calm way (Getty Stock Images)
You don’t let bygones be bygones
In the same breath of it being healthy to disagree, it’s also healthy to know when to let something go. You should want to work through any issues as a team, rather than point-scoring or trying to ‘win’ the argument and ultimately your main goal should be to understand one another better and be able to move past it.
So, if you keep bringing up the argument you had last week or the week before, your partner may end up being ‘drained’ by just how ‘highly critical’ you seem.
Basically, try to stop being so ‘rigid’ in how you’re interacting and try to get better at recognizing when you’re making an issue bigger than it needs to be – there’s so many other more beneficial things to be doing with your time.
As Elsa says, ‘Let It Go’ (Getty Stock Images)
Damage control
Alongside knowing when to drop an issue – both having spoken about it enough and now going round-and-round in circles – it’s also important to be able to recognize when to apologize.
Even if you can’t always understand quite where they’re coming from, the fact someone you love is hurt and upset is something to feel sorry for and should make you want to show them the respect of listening to them, trying your best to understand and comforting them.
If you’re over the age of 21, ‘defensiveness and deflection’ just gets boring.
Know when to say sorry (Getty Stock Images)
Caring too much about what others think of the relationship
Focus on how the relationship feels for ‘each other,’ Dr LePera stresses, not how others view it – ultimately, they’re not in your relationship, only you are.
Advice from friends and loved ones is important but no one fully knows your situation bar the two of you and make sure the advice you’re seeking is from trusted sources too.
Lack of family boundaries
Ah family, you don’t get to choose them but love them anyway. Following on from seeking advice from friends, if someone over-involves a family member in the relationship this can ‘create a lack of trust and friction,’ Dr LePera adds.
Well, good luck to anyone who locked someone down in cuffing season for surviving the next year and if you’re going into New Year’s in the hopes of finding love, may the odds be ever in your favor.
